The Ant and the Grasshopper
By Joseph Parish
I recently chanced across this little morsel of knowledge while browsing around the net and find it to be very entertaining. I would at this time like to share my adaptation of the Ant and the Grasshopper with my visitors. At first we will recite the original version of the Ant and the Grasshopper. Without further ado let us get to the fable.
As the anecdote tells us the Ant was a very relentless working creature. He labored intensively in the sneering heat of the summer in order to ensure that his home was appropriately constructed and that he had adequate supplies laid up for the forthcoming wintertime.
The grasshopper on the other hand considered the hard working Ant as a fool and snicker at his efforts every step of the way. While the ant labored the grasshopper danced and played the summer away.
As with an season the summer only endure so many months and winter arrived with its bitter cold weather. The Ant however was warm and cozy as well as well fed as a result of his summer toils. The grasshopper unfortunately had neither food nor shelter to protect him from the harsh elements and as a result died of exposure and starvation. The moral of this story is that we must be responsible for ourselves.
Now we have heard the traditional version of the Ant and the Grasshopper story so let us now listen to the modern version of this old parable. As with the older version we find the Ant once again hard at work organizing for the upcoming winter weather. He assemble his home well and stored up on any crucial supplies that he felt would be needed in the winter.
Naturally as we expected the grasshopper once again referred to the ant as a fool while he partied and danced with his lowly friends completely wasting the precious summer months.
Our tale now has developed a slight change for as winter approaches and we see a trembling grasshopper who proceeds to calls an open press conference demanding an investigation into why the ant is allowed to benefit from the comforts of a warm home and nourishing food while he is left helpless in the cold and facing complete starvation.
Major network coverage’s such as CBS, CNN, NBC, ABC, and PBS arrive at the grasshopper’s location with camera crews prepared to show the world the poor shivering grasshopper. They quickly contrast the grasshopper’s plight with a video of the ant resting peacefully in his comfortable home and enjoying a table filled with wholesome and tasty food which he has stored up on. The America people become stunned by this sharp contrast in the two lifestyles.
Questions begin to arise as to how this can possibly ensue in a nation possessed of such abundant wealth. Many ask why this poor grasshopper is permitted to suffer so badly.
While changing channels on the television one easily comes across Kermit the Frog who is appearing on the Oprah Winfrey show with the grasshopper. They proceed to bring tears to the eyes of the audience as they perform a duet of 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'
ACORN also has to get into the act by staging a demonstration in the front of the ants comfortable home where the news crews are busy filming the group singing a musical piece entitled “We shall overcome.” About that time the Rev. Jeremiah Wright arrives at the scene and organizes and directs the members of ACORN to kneel down in pray for the grasshopper's sake.
Without thinking of his comments President Obama quickly rebukes the ant and begins criticizing President Bush, Christopher Columbus, President Reagan and ultimately the Pope for the poor grasshopper's calamity. Not to be left out we see Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid proclaiming in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich from the labors of the poor grasshopper and the pair immediately call for a tax hike so as to force the ant to pay his fair share to support the grasshopper.
Finally, the EEOC drafts up for consideration the Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act which becomes retroactive back to the beginning of the summer. The industrialist ant is heavily fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and since he has nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes with we find his home is rapidly confiscated by the Federal Government’s Green Czar and ultimately given to the grasshopper.
As we approach the end of our story we see the grasshopper along with his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant’s stored food supply while his government provided house that he is residing in (which, as you may recall was the ant's old house) begins to deteriorate around him due to his last nature and the lack of upkeep and maintenance.
What has happened to the Ant? The ant has somehow disappeared in the snow and is never to be heard from again. Incidentally, it is later reported that the grasshopper is finally found dead in a drug related incident and the house becomes abandoned. In time it is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the derelict but once prosperous and peaceful neighborhood.
As a result of this incident our entire Nation begins the long down road struggle towards total collapse bringing with it the rest of the free world. The moral of the story now becomes: Be careful how you vote in 2010.
Copyright 2009 Joseph Parish